Heather Lucier Stanley

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I felt chic and very French with short hair. After my summer in France, I wanted short hair. Damn it if I was going to be an ordinary American college girl. I wanted to be the American college girl with the French flair. And well, I became her. Isn’t that what college is about, taking on different personas to figure out who we are? Certainly, without a lot of worldly experience, we do not have it all figured out by 19 years old. At a young age and now, I have always been willing to try new things and improve myself. For example, I did not figure out my signature hairstyle until last summer.

The only really long hair, several inches past my shoulders, that I had in my 20s was when I donned the very American “Supergirl” costume for Halloween. A very American costume for the girl who felt very French and such a strange juxtaposition. But, I got such a roaring laugh from that, even if I was the only one who knew what I was laughing at and why I was laughing.

Sophomore Year: Besides cutting my hair short after my summer in France, I worked briefly at a local clothing store, bought a lot of stylish clothing, and cleaned out my closet. I finally got rid of the Benetton sweater that I loved. After the owner realized, I was shopping more than working, I got laid off. Shortly thereafter, I started working in a coffee shop and considered changing my major to Art History until my father said, “We are only paying for 4 years of college.” I happily continued on as a Creative Writing and Literature major.

I loved shopping at Jacobson’s, a department store on the campus, for make up, perfume and the occasional fancy dress. I started buying red Christian Dior lipstick and wearing Carolina Herrera Perfume: I learned from chic French women that I had met during my summer in France that lipstick and perfume are essential. I bought a mountain bike to ride around campus. I lived in a co-op. I dated and dated and dated. The coffee shop was a great place to be seen, observed, and asked out. I had no idea! My goal was not to get asked out, but I did. Is that why all the French women hang out in coffee shops? Who knew!

NOTE: That year my mother, whose first language is French, was a French Translator for several French speaking diplomats from other countries and I got to go to D.C. and watch her work for a weekend. How fun is that? My mother is brilliant at learning foreign languages and my openness to learning other languages comes from my grandmother and her. My grandmother knew German, French and English. My mother knows German, French, English and Spanish. When I was a child learning French, my grandmother and mother would speak in German if they did not want me to understand what they were saying. I still have it on my list to learn German someday, but first Spanish, then French again. Eventually, I will learn German – perhaps in my 70s.

As a sophomore in college, I continued to have a blast.

French conversation

If I had to sum up my summer in France in one word: enlightening.

With my savings, mid-freshman year I started planning my summer vacation. I had been considering volunteering in Costa Rica or New Zealand as part of a volunteer program which had been advertised in the International Center. However, my mother brought up that her mother was going to France to visit her relatives and I could go along. I loved that idea: going to France with my grandmother.

My grandmother and I spent the summer Saint-Flour, where my mother’s uncle owned a toy store. Saint-Flour is small, population 9,000, and very few people there speak English. By the end of that summer, I was fluent in French. Twenty-two years later, I’d need a Rosetta Stone refresher to be able to speak with the fluency that I did at 19 years old. That is always an option, and I may do that again when I am sixty.

Things about French culture that I learned to make your trip to France easier:

1) Pleasantries are so important. Before asking where the ATM is located, say, “Hello, how are you?” Our culture is so fast paced and theirs is not. They like people to ask them how they are doing before they answer your question about where the ATM is located.
2) Be humble and willing to learn. Even if you think you know everything, you don’t. Let them tell you how good everything is in France and the problems with America. They will also tell you about the problems in France, but that will take them more effort.

I got a lifetime education. I feel everybody – if they get a chance – should spend time abroad in a foreign country. The more time at a young age, the better. Some Americans and foreigners will say, “America is king,” and others will say, “You know what, America is great, but I’m going to bring a little European/Asian/African/South American flair to my life.” A trip abroad will add some flair to your life.

Life lessons – bits of wisdom – that I learned:

1) Art and Film are important. Although I already knew Art was important from my father, France reconfirmed it.
2) Friendships are a top priority.
3) Keep things simple, enjoy every day. Although I had already started living this way after I got hit by the car, France reconfirmed it.
4) Work – What is that?
5) Americans are very materialistic. [And that is why we are always trying to make another dollar.]

When I returned to the states, excited to share what I had learned, some people got it and some people did not. “They are jealous,” is one of the comments I heard. I did not see jealousy. I saw people living a good, carefree life. They are not over-leveraged. They do not have big houses. They do not all have cars. But they have a lot of time to hang out, talk, and get to know each other. Is that what life is about, hanging out in coffee shops?

NOTE: I got to go to Costa Rica in 2003 and well, I am in New Zealand now. I’m glad I chose to go to France with my grandmother when I did.

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It meant exploring a lot of different things: I volunteered at the campus radio station as a news anchor. I wrote for the RC Magazine and the Michigan Daily. I went to the Jesse Jackson political rally held on campus. I voted for the first time for the President of the United States. I attended a few University of Michigan football games. I wrote a lot of relationship poetry. I volunteered and taped ankles for the Michigan Lacrosse Team. I worked at Benzinger Library as a Library Aide. I saw the play “The Glass Menagerie.” I took immersion classes – 8 credit hours per class – in French and Spanish. I traveled to Georgia and Florida for Spring Break. I attended my first Hash Bash, a Michigan tradition. I also watched The Naked Mile, another Michigan tradition. I ate in Greektown in Detroit. I made lifelong girlfriends. I partied – oh, did I party.

NOTE: When Michigan beat Seton Hall in the 1989 NCAA Basketball Championship, I was so excited I hopped off of a wooden bench [part of a booth] that I had been standing on at Good Time Charlies [at the time 18 year olds got entry into the bar, but could not buy alcohol] and somehow gouged my right shin on the corner of a wood table. I still have the scar today. Then I proceeded outside into the big hug and lovefest. 10,000+ strangers hugging on South University and Church Street. People were not fighting, but the destruction of property was high. Taxicabs tipped over. Restaurant awnings destroyed. The riots made the national news. Everybody ran when the police started throwing tear gas into the crowds. I ran down Church Street and back to East Quad. So many memories from that evening.

Every person that I spoke with before I went to college told me to have fun in college and I took their advice. They had said, “They will be some of the best years of your life. ” They were great years – I loved them. I definitely made the right choice to attend the The University of Michigan.

People always ask me, Why did I chose The University of Michigan? I had several reasons:

1) Michigan ranked 8th in the nation for public and private universities in 1988.
2) I liked that it was a large public university.
3) I liked that it was a top academic and athletic university.
4) I loved the idea of the Residential College(RC) – a smaller university setting, within the context of a larger university. I enrolled in the Residential College within the Literature, Arts and Sciences division of The University of Michigan. All the classes I took in the RC were Pass/Fail, but I got written evaluations for each class. The written evaluations were more personal to me and I liked that. I did not feel like a number and I got a lot of individual attention from the professors.
5) I liked the Maize and Blue colors. I have always felt Maize and Blue are happy colors and the football helmets are unique.
6) A representative from Michigan contacted me via the phone to congratulate me on my acceptance. The only university to which I was accepted that called me personally.

I applied to 11 universities across the United States. Most of the universities to which I had applied had good athletic teams so being a school with strong athletics was not a deciding factor. Michigan became my choice because of the Residential College, the early acceptance and personal phone call, and the school colors. I really liked that I could get a small college feel within a larger university setting. I also was flattered that admissions could decide on me early and I got a personal phone call. I also liked Maize and Blue. Go Blue!

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I am a Free Spirit.

The summer before my freshman year at The University of Michigan, I wanted to go to Northern California to visit a friend who had recently transferred from Clark University to the University of California at Santa Cruz to finish his degree in linguistics. I had loved Southern California, I wanted to experience Northern California and I wanted to spend more time with my friend before I headed off to Michigan.

I spent a month in Northern California, with my time split between Santa Cruz and San Francisco. I also got to see three open air Grateful Dead concerts in Laguna Seca, near Monterrey. What an experience! So many stories and memories just from that weekend.

That summer, I tried sushi; I toured San Francisco on foot; I bought a huge bag of previously worn clothing in a vintage clothing store near Haight-Ashbury[a dream of mine after reading about Haight-Ashbury in a novel]; I looked up at stars in the forest in Santa Cruz, I danced on the Santa Cruz boardwalk, I bought some really interesting jewelry at an outdoor market in Santa Cruz, I hitchhiked for the first and last time [a lucky experience - lucky that a kind spirit stopped - and I never recommend hitchhiking.] I spent a day in Berkeley at The University of Berkeley at California.

My parents planted many seeds of curiosity about the United States and the world. I am not meant to be conventional. I have settled down – oh, how I have settled down – but I am still a Free Spirit.

Today, as this blog is being posted, I am on a plane from San Francisco to New Zealand. I am in the air on June 11, 2011. Such a coincidence that Birth To 18 in 18 days – Isn’t that a wild thought? has worked out with this last day of me traveling yet again on another Free Spirited adventure to continue discovering the world.

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The last year of high school. A big deal. Nowadays, I hear about kindergarten graduations, 1st grade graduations, etc. The first graduation that I considered an accomplishment was high school.

The first 5 photos in the slideshow were taken by a professional photographer. My senior year photo. My best friend Amy and I were part of the studio’s advertising brochure that year. My first and only modeling gig and it was not a paid gig. The photographer just liked how the photos turned out, so he put them in his brochure. It felt good to be in the brochure and I had a copy of it, until I accidentally deleted it during The Big Photo Project. But the memory is more important than the recognition or proof.

The 6th photo in the slideshow is of the house where I grew up from 3 years old to 18 years old. I loved that house. Small and cute. I feel that is why I want a smaller house today. The house where I grew up was built in 1940; it is considered a Cape Cod cottage style – a Cape, for short. I especially love seeing the snow on it. I really wish my parents did not retire to Florida, but I understand their reasoning.

The 7th photo in the slideshow is of my father speaking as the President of The Exchange Club, a volunteer position for this service organization of business leaders. I learned a lot about volunteering from my father. He did not talk about volunteering. He volunteered. Children learn by example and I definitely picked up on the importance of volunteering. I started volunteering in high school at running races and it progressed to volunteering at high schools and for after school programs in college to volunteering for the Junior League in the community throughout my 20s to volunteering in Corporate America for the United Way to today for Austin Skiers and The Beef Team.

The 8th photo in the slideshow is of my friend Ulrike and me at Fenway Park. I met Ulrike in high school; she is from Germany. I wanted her to experience an American baseball game at Fenway. My love of baseball grew from my father’s love of baseball. His love of baseball grew from his father’s love of baseball. I miss Fenway Park. Alan will get to Fenway someday.

The 9th photo in the slideshow is of my Advanced Placement English class. We loved Miss Abusamra. She taught us about how beautiful Lebanon was before it was bombed. She frequently went to New York City to see shows on Broadway. She adored Christoper Plummer and Glenda Jackson. My interest in Christopher Plummer started with her. I also was willing to date (and did date in college) a person from Lebanon because of her wonderful stories about Lebanon.

The 10th photo is at my high school graduation. High school – a big accomplishment. College – an even bigger accomplishment. On my way…

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I got to travel to many different destinations throughout the United States and made at least one trip to Canada, Mexico, France, and England before I turned 18. I feel that by experiencing other parts of the U.S. and the world at a young age, I learned how to appreciate differences in others based on where they had grown up. I especially loved visiting my cousin in Southern California in high school and remember thinking that being a teenager in sunny Southern California had to have been a lot of fun with beaches at one’s footsteps and in ground pools in almost everybody’s backyard.

I really liked Québec, Canada also, for different, yet similar reasons. The lifestyle in both Southern California and Québec seemed very relaxed: I caught onto relaxation early. France and England seemed more hustle and bustle, but I was in large cities, Paris and London, respectively. My experience in France in college was much different; and Alan and I enjoyed Paris and London together.

Mexico seemed dreamy – as in I dreamed about every Mexican boy with whom I got to dance. I thought, This would be a great place to go as a couple, but not as a single teenager with my parents. I loved the romanticism of Cancún in 1987, before, I have heard, it became too commercial.

One of the reasons for so much travel is that my family is spread out throughout US and we went to visit family. Another reason is that my father won some sales incentive trips – for example, Maui – and I got to tag along occasionally. A third reason is that I was told I could go to any college or university in the U.S. and we visited several colleges and universities across the U.S. However, the main reason is that my parents love to travel and they prioritized travel every year.

Their love of travel captured my attention early and kept my interest. I am leaving for New Zealand tomorrow, June 10th, 2011.

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I started dating at 15 years old, but did not date anybody seriously by choice for at least the first five years that I had dated.

I loved something about each person that I dated in high school and at The University of Michigan. By dating many different people with many varied interests from so many places of origin, large and small, in the U.S. and world, I expanded my vision of the world. I got asked out frequently, but I also did the asking.

The photos are from either my prom, a boy’s prom, or the Subscription Dance. I went to 6 dances in 2 high school years. I had a lot of fun and enjoyed dating as a teenager.

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I love running. I ran a lot in high school. I got to explore Cross- Country Track and Indoor Track.

In Cross-Country Track, we trained in the woods behind the high school. The course was 3 miles long and hilly. Looking back on it now, I could run 3 miles in the woods with hills at 21 or under 24 minutes on a race day. I forget the exact time because I was more concerned about what place I came in. The two twin girls, who always won, ran the course in 19 minutes. Although I did get closer and closer to them every race, I never surpassed them. Yet, I was happy with third. I remember nearly vomiting from nausea and exhaustion after running a race. This is normal feeling for a competitive runner.

NOTE: This was before proper conditioning, proper hydration, proper shoes, proper everything. Now, I laugh at how we trained.

In Indoor Track, I ran the 400 (400 meters). I enjoyed indoor track for different reasons. A different sport entirely. We had more fans and more cheering. I do not remember if I won any races or not. I probably had more natural ability in cross-country.

A photographer at a local paper snapped these photos before a practice and after a meet.

Hanging out at Christmas

Amy and I were best friends in high school. We did everything together. We talked about the boys. We went to the mall. We hung out. We had so much fun just being silly. We loved being together.

We were and still our a good fit for one another. Whenever we get together, it is fun catching up. She has a very peaceful and calm spirit. She is a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) nurse and loves it. She is very strong emotionally and physically: her career is very difficult because the babies are very sick and do not always make it. She is amazing.

Amy has always loved children and knew she wanted several children. She just recently had her third boy. I am so happy for her and I know that she is a caring and peaceful mother. She never raises her voice, but understands the importance of setting appropriate boundaries with her children. She guides them, but lets them be themselves. They will be successful and loving men.

Amy is such a beautiful spirit inside and out.

Junior Year

I had not even heard the term Sweet Sixteen until one of Alan’s sisters turned sixteen. I like it.

Sweet Sixteen.

My birthday is in the summer, after school is over for the year. As soon as I turned 16, I got hired at Friendly’s ice cream as a waitress and worked there all summer. I learned how to scoop ice cream and still love ice cream today.

Once school started in the Fall, I stopped working except for an occasional weekend evening. My father always wanted me to put school first and I appreciate that. Several of the classes I was taking were difficult and the combination of all the courses together was strenuous: Physics, Pre-Calculus, Latin, French, English, World History and Typing. My goal was to get into a top university.

I also ran Cross-Country Track in the Fall and Indoor Track in the Winter. In the Spring, I took acting classes at a local theater and dated. I chose to date only in the Spring and Summer. I was a busy girl – and quite the feminist.