June 25, 2011
Whereas in my 20s I focused primarily on education and career, in my 30s I focused mainly on relationships. For this reason, I spent a lot of time in therapy to learn more about relationships: why friends and family say and do the things they do and why I say and do the things I do in relationships. I had a couple really good therapists and still have a relationship with one of them, if anything arises and I need her.
I must say, by going to therapy, I cut out a lot crap. I feel that I have shortened my learning curve by at least 20 years by seeking out professional help.
What better way to learn something than by a person who has formalized training? People hire Certified Public Accountants (CPAs) to do their taxes and personal trainers to get them into shape; I hired a therapist for many years to cut down my learning curve on relationships. I probably would never have done this if I did not get divorced. I looked at this particular relationship failure as an opportunity to grow and I am very proud of myself.
Life is about relationships. People find new people – lovers, friends, children, relatives – upon which to play out their issues if they do not confront their issues head on. I see this everyday and all I can do is suggest therapy if somebody asks me for my opinion. Therapy is expensive, and not always covered by insurance, so I understand the hesitation for some people in not going. And the reality is that some people like to live life the hard way. I do not. I needed to get very good at relationship navigation to minimize the negativity in my life. Good relationships should fulfill (validate) us; bad (toxic) relationships do not.
I have had a few relationship issues with various friends and family along the way, but I feel that the bulk of my relationship learning has been completed because I give myself permission to end any toxic relationships. I do not have children so I do not need to navigate that type of relationship. I anticipate aging parents and aging in general to become future relationship challenges for which I will need to prepare. But, I’m OK enjoying myself in the now, until I must step up to the plate again and go to bat. At the moment, I’m happily sitting in the stands at the local ball game, eating my popcorn and sipping my soda.
